Dear Upham Community,
“I can’t do it!” Followed by, “I am NOT doing this anymore!” How many of you have heard this demonstrative statement? As in my case, I have heard it several times in one night during homework.
This reminds me of a story by A.J. Juliani (the author of 8 books about learning, including the best-seller Empower, Launch, and Adaptable). He tells the story about his daughter and her learning to ride a skateboard.
My daughter lowered her eyes, looked at me, and said, “I can’t do it.” I looked back and asked her again to put one foot on the board, push off with her other foot, and then put that foot on the board when she was moving.
She was being a typical six-year-old who was trying to learn how to ride a skateboard. “No”, she said. “I’m not doing this anymore. Can you push me?” It would have been easy for me to help her get both feet on the board and give her a push to get her started. But I had already done that, and now after guiding her through the process (and almost falling myself while demonstrating) it was time for her to keep trying if she wanted to make any progress.
I told her “no” and asked for her to try again, this time focusing on getting a good push so she could be moving when she put her foot back on the board. She was visibly upset. She knew that I could help her out. I knew that I could help her out. But in her mind, she didn’t see the bigger picture. She didn’t realize that only by trying (and failing) herself, would she ever be able to ride a skateboard without my help.
After we finished our short back and forth conversation, my daughter hopped on the skateboard and took off down our driveway. She got both feet on the skateboard and was moving fast. Then…almost like out of a movie, she tried to stop and flew off the back of the board.
I tried to play off the fall by congratulating her by getting both feet on the board. It didn’t help. She was upset and blamed me for the fall off of the board. But the next day she was back on now trying to figure out how to stop. Learning, it seems, is contagious. As long as we let them go through the entire process and support them along the way as best we can.
As parents, and teachers, we have a continual dilemma with our students and children. We have this same dilemma when we are helping colleagues or others in the workplace as well.
There will be many times when you can easily help someone achieve a certain level of success by doing the work for them. For our children, this can be holding their hands while they learn to walk. For our students, this can be giving a formulaic graphic organizer for writing an essay.
We have the choice to allow for failure and provide support…or do it for them and make it easier on both of us.
There is some very compelling research on why letting children “figure it out” is better for them at the moment, in their future, and in their understanding of what learning can look like. In fact, letting our children “figure it out” on their own is one of the most empowering ways to give them ownership of their lives and learning path.
For more on this important topic please refer to Jessica Lahey’s book, The Gift of Failure. She addresses this topic with timely research and practical tips on how to deal with learning to fail and outlines the difference between “failure” and “failing.”
Upcoming Dates
12/17- Ugly Sweater Day or A beautiful Sweater if you don’t have an ugly one!
12/24-1/2- Year-end Vacation- No School
Thank you for all your support. Be safe!
Dare to Dream,
Mr. Dees